40+ Fresh Tweets From the Amusing Minds of Twitter (July 22, 2023)

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    Font - Left-Wing Gecko Chamber @DiabolicalSpuds I am losing my mind at this post on Reddit. Apparently he was mishearing the phrase "nice to meet you". 7196 NibbleMyRectum in NoStupid Questions What does it mean when people from Canada and US say chamungus in meetings? 2004 Comments • self.NoStupid Questions. 7 hrs. 7 I am from slovenia and this week we have 5 people from US and toronto office visiting us for trainings. On monday when we were first shaking hands and getting to know each other be
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    Water - fucked up foods @fuckedupfoods Subscribe fill ur life with experiences. not things 2:12 PM 7/12/23 from Earth 601K Views 1,778 Retweets 80 Quotes ...
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    Rectangle - DogeDesigner @cb_doge Someone literally bought a domain to do this guthib.com Subscribe You spelled it wrong. 12:27 AM 7/11/23 from Earth. 1.9M Views 1,385 Retweets 72 Quotes
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    Plant - Thomas @len killer Pit bull convention would be looking like Gettysburg CBS News @CBSNews 10h GOLDEN HOUR: Hundreds of golden retrievers gathered in Scotland to celebrate the 155th anniversary of the breed's founding. ... Darren Stocker via Storyful Icc 4:28 PM 7/14/23 from Earth. 1.3M Views
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    Font - Myneuver @DOLLABILLGATES Barbers in LA are insane Calabasas, CA 91302 United States Alright cool, your about 50 minutes from me. For house calls i charge $350/hr plus $100 travel fee. Taper fade, line up + beard trim will take about 2 1/2-3hrs so it'll be $1,150 Delivered
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    Font - Vaseline. Vaseline @VaselineBrand That glazed glow that only slugging can create. All you need is Vaseline Healing Jelly. #Vaseline #Slugging BEFORE SLUGGING 11:07 AM 7/10/23 - 1.9M Views 275 Retweets 1,768 Quotes AFTER SLUGGING
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    Liquid - blasty @bl4sty wholesome yet dystopian HELLO! DID YOU LEAVE A PRINTER HERE THIS MORNING? (Monday, July 3) I GOT IT WORKING AND PRINTED THIS. BUT I CAN'T USE SOME OF THE FEATURES UNTIL YOU REMOVE IT FROM YOUR HP ACCOUNT. . CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO LOG IN AND REMOVE THE PRINTER FROM YOUR ACCOUNT. hpsmart.com THANK YOU AND HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY! enjoy ☺ Done! 7/6 2:47 AM 7/11/23 from Earth. 2.6M Views 6,851 Retweets 208 Quotes :
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    Adaptation - Blackinese Milani @Thereal_BM215 I was home naked and chilling but my brother just called me to come fight his baby mom.
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    Smile - Rona Wang @ronawang was trying to get a linkedin profile photo with Al editing & this is what it gave me MI 10:58 AM 7/14/23 from Earth. 256K Views . MIT give the girl from the original photo a profession inkedin profile photo | 351 Retweets 96 Quotes
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    Output device - Corn →* @upblissed what type of freaky ass target ami in bro Creamers 12:00 AM 7/13/23 from Earth. 1.9M Views . 2,372 Retweets 114 Quotes ...
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    Output device - Flo Crivello @Altimor Do NOT Touch! This laptop keeps Uber Eats Canada running. Ping@ianw before moving this laptop! Thank you! . TY UO GHIK NM ! P 772 Retweets 86 Quotes .. Franz Stupar @franzstupar 21h Any cool anectodes re: speed at Uber? } 5:07 PM 7/12/23 from Earth. 1M Views ...
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    Font - Keara Sullivan @superkeara My friend recently told me of a conversation we had years ago in which apparently he insulted my sweater and my response was "Well all of your clothes look like you got them for free after running a 5K." He said he thinks about this all the time. 10:34 PM 7/11/23 from Earth. 787K Views . 997 Retweets 73 Quotes
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    Eyebrow - coca @clawdez she Everlasting Gobbin on my knob but i wont Stopper 9:16 PM 7/12/23 from Earth 664K Views . 2,866 Retweets 44 Quotes
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    Headgear - The tumboy @TheTumboy stole his entire fit 2:54 PM 7/12/23 1.1M Views . 7,657 Retweets 277 Quotes
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    Hair - LD KE the ben keeps the flores @limitlessjest supporting actor in a drama series category is straight up insane Television Academy EMMYS LIVE! MONDAY SEPT 18 BET I SHT F. Murray Abraham The White Lotus Theo James The White Lotus ALL NOMINEES Nicholas Braun FOX Succession Will Sharpe The White Lotus Matthew Macfadyen Succession Michael Imperioli The White Lotus Alan Ruck Succession Alexander Skarsgård Succession ...
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    Property - Aunt Cunt @AuntCunt Follow me up the toilet stairs, only good things await I promise
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    Font - Mommy Owl @Lhlodder No one makes more observations than a child sharing a stall with his mother inside a public restroom. 6:22 PM 7/10/23 - 11K Views . 51 Retweets 348 Likes 4 Bookmarks
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    Font - trash jones @jzux me at 16: i am going to be so successful when i grow up me now: maybe someday i will have enough energy to start a hobby 12:26 PM 7/12/23 2M Views Subscribe . 15.4K Retweets 435 Quotes
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    Gesture - dirtman (b/sac) @terrorproforma If you only knew how the world really worked George W. Bush meets with Kayla, mother of Harambe. riosmith.net 7:41 PM - 7/10/23 from Earth. 931K Views 2,880 Retweets 108 Quotes ...
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    Cartoon - Delaney King @delaneykingrox It fucking well isn't M STRIKE STORMCAST ETERNALS 登家 . TRY WARHAMMER TODAY IT'S FREE! 5:12 AM 7/11/23 from Earth. 1.2M Views GAD 2,516 Retweets 146 Quotes K
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    World - Empiric - antibiotic card game @EmpiricGame I apologize for nothing Select all squares with Norovirus If there are none, click skip ALT ICON SEAS 6:59 PM 7/10/23 from Earth - 576K Views SKIP
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    Font - heavy sweater @someofmybest i saw someone say on facebook once, very seriously, that irish dancing was invented as a form of resistance against the english so the irish could be hiding behind bushes and the english wouldn't be able to see that they were dancing with their legs. 6:44 AM 7/11/23 from Earth. 1.5M Views 1,092 Retweets 163 Quotes
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    Head - brecht apologist @madisontayt_ i'm sure her family (the von donnersmarck) was up to totally normal and innocuous things in europe during the '30s and '40s GRWM for a Ball in Spain get ready with me to go to a ball in Spain get ready with me to go to a ball in Spain 755.1K 2735 37.2K 12:55 AM 7/11/23 1.6M Views get ready with me to go to a ball in Spain get ready with me to go to a ball in Spain 1,209 Retweets 414 Quotes Dans GRWM for a Ballin Spain Cosima ... 755.1K ... 2735 37.2K
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    Font - Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrew Nadeau Subscribe The mailman asked me to stop my dog from barking and not sure why he thinks I'd side with him, the guy that brings me bills and catalogues I hate, over my dog, the guy that is the most handsome boy in the entire world. 7:54 PM - 7/10/23 from Earth 212K Views 501 Retweets 6 Quotes
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    Font - Austen Allred @Austen By the time a man is 40 he must choose an intellectual hobby. These are the only options: 1. World War II 2. Genghis Kahn 3. Greeks/Romans 4. Napoleon 5. Revolutionary + Civil War 6. Model trains I don't make the rules. Subscribe 12:39 AM 7/11/23 from Earth 3.4M Views . 1,453 Retweets 723 Quotes
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    Font - Travis | tarvis.bsky.social @DXMSommelier Hmm I could be a cashier at Chick-fil-A or for a little bit of a pay cut I could... Let's see... Produce the local newscast News Producer WMDT-TV (47abc) Salisbury, MD 21801 $28,000-$30,000 a year 8 hour shift ✓ Your profile may be missing qualifications Just posted 2:17 PM 7/11/23 from Earth. 431K Views . Full-time ✓ 975 Retweets 106 Quotes ... O
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    Font - juney @cosmiccereal my mother just looked up from her new york times crossword and asked me what the tip of a shoelace was called and i felt a sense of cosmic satisfaction i doubt most people will feel across their entire lives 7:15 PM 7/9/23 from Earth 8.3M Views . 24.8K Retweets 1,967 Quotes
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    Product - REPADINE 15 SEXY jolene of arc @okaypompeii is there any reprieve from this capitalist hellscape where the fortune cookies are also ads or are we all just doomed A car is not a possession, it's a mode of dreams and exploration. 13,15,27,37,42,56 OpenFortune cars.com 10:18 PM 7/10/23 10.5K Views 25 Retweets 1 Quote 257 Likes Where to next?
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    Font - Can I Peg You @Sethrogen ? @MrsKhandiCoated Them Pressley's don't be with the shits at all TMZ TMZ @TMZ.1d Lisa Marie Presley Cause of Death, Small Bowel Obstruction tmz.me/dHSyMvQ 6:44 PM 7/13/23 from Earth. 1.9M Views 4,188 Retweets 364 Quotes
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    Product - True @TrudiiBee Escape rooms are great dates cuz I need to see if you gonna call me a bitch under pressure Deaconess Bowloraine Wowarton @... 1d Y'all arguing about ice cream vs dinner dates and y'all really need to be taking people to escape rooms to see if they stupid or not 6:33 PM 7/13/23 from Earth. 1.9M Views
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    Fluid - Mutahar @OrdinaryGamers angate They couldn't handle the pressure it seems. Dexerto @Dexerto 4h OceanGate, the company that built the sub that imploded, has deleted its social media accounts Subscribe This account doesn't exist Try searching for another. 1:49 PM - 7/14/23 from Earth. 2.6M Views . 6,544 Retweets 142 Quotes OceanGate TITAN
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    Forehead - GIMY @Gimk_ TA messi after he discovers the magical qualities of the publix chicken tender sub B 11:09 PM - 7/13/23 from Earth. 1.1M Views . 1,142 Retweets 99 Quotes
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    Font - Frances Klein @fklein907 It's pretty impressive how chill toddlers are most of the time when you remember that they usually have O context for anything that is happening. Today, a week after we moved to another state, my son looked around and then asked, "are we still on earth?" 10:51 AM 7/14/23 from Earth. 201K Views 893 Retweets 47 Quotes
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    Motor vehicle - Emily Murnane @emily_murnane An old woman from 1990-1999 If you wanna be happy, get an old woman from 1990-1999 and settle down. They are tired and wont disturb much. I said what i said 5:53 PM 7/13/23 from Earth - 2.7M Views . 359K 4,415
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    Font - deathco.re on bsky @SAMOYEDCORE it's so easy to swing at white people. so there's no excuse for missing like this O Cosmos Raj is in NYC @cosmos_raj. 20h White people ordering butter chicken, garlic naan, and mango Lassi at an Indian restaurant has the same energy as them ordering enchiladas, margaritas, and chips and salsa at a Mexican restaurant 1:42 AM 7/15/23 from Earth. 2.1M Views . 1,558 Retweets 22 Quotes
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    Automotive tire - SC AUST NEWS John-Carlos Estrada @Mr_JCE How hot is in Texas?? This woman BAKED BREAD IN HER MAILBOX!! Roberta Wright, who lives in a suburb of Houston, posted these photos on Facebook to show just how hot it is! She truly baked the bread in her mailbox!! It took 45 minutes! 1: Roberta Wright 5 11:21 AM - 7/14/23 3.6M Views . ... 4,892 Retweets 1,545 Quotes
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    Plant - Shiv Ramdas Traing To Rite Buk @nameshiv Update: There was a brief power cut and it is now exactly 100 people. devonlive.com More than 100 people trapped at Agatha Christie's house 4:42 PM 7/14/23 from Earth. 129K Views 487 Retweets 45 Quotes ...
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    Font - popular loner @milkyy_tweets just saw the barbie movie and it's fantastic! i won't give away the entire ending, but she does kill osama bin laden 4:21 PM 7/12/23 from Earth.2.5M Views 8,196 Retweets 103 Quotes
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    Forehead - Rægenhere @realRaegenhere >ubisoft >finally making assassin's creed game set in feudal Japan >protagonist is African refugee 7:06 PM 7/12/23 from Earth. 2.6M Views
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    Product - Mexican Rug Dealer @DealinRugs Messi after a living few months in Florida . BABIES 7:11 PM 7/14/23 from Earth. 1M Views 2,517 Retweets 102 Quotes
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    Product - kira @kirawontmiss cillian murphy looks like the principal visiting your classroom to make sure that your class is doing work aliyahsemillano 3h Morning fittings with Cillian Murphy wearing a full @prada look ... X

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